Final Thoughts...

It's finally over, I will be home tomorrow. I wanted to just wrap up my experience somehow...

It's no secret that I haven't been completely happy here. Every day here I got a little more...jaded, i guess. Everyday life here is nothing like a Birthright trip or family tour. It started out beautiful--I remember walking down the street with Emily, giggling and saying, "WE'RE IN JERUSALEM!" and being so incredibly happy to start this adventure. But then real life set in--unexpected costs, fighting with bureaucracy, classwork, friend drama, homesickness...And it just...got less fun. More like, just school but in a different location. Not special. Yeah, there were moments. I will always miss going to Goldy's with the girls, walking Ben Yehuda on Yom Ha'atzmaut, chilling in my room til the wee hours with em and our friends, movie nights, grey's nights, shabbos dinners in the kfar, going to the old city on a whim, buying fruit and meat and bread at the shuk...so many things. most of all i will miss the friends I met here...Emily of course, and Sarah, Margot and Leah, Sarah N, Tammy and Tessa and Uriel and Hebi, our Israelis Uri and Ofer who picked us up at a bus stop on Yom Ha'atzmaut and have been an integral part of our life since then, and so many others. It hurts, leaving them. I am so ready for home; I'm ready to get away from the drama and the lack of customer service anywhere, the rude people...the lack of good stores...the high prices of food...not having things from home that i want...being 5000 miles from my boyfriend and family and best friends...the utterly disgusting bathroom that smells like mold and is full of bugs...

I was going to make this an organized list, but it is what it is.

I'm glad I came. It was most assuredly a life-changing experience. I have never been away from home so long, I have never lived so independently, I've never been in THIS long of a long-distance relationship...And I have come out on the other side of all the hardship and depression, stronger and wiser. I know myself a lot more than I did before, in a lot of ways...and in just as many, I am more unsure of myself. I have come to many realizations about Judaism and the way I relate to it, and not all of those realizations are good. The hypocrisy here, the orthodox monopoly, the judgement I get automatically if i mention that i date goys (they'd rather I date a completely secular Jew than a completely secular non-Jew; how is that anything but racism?), the belief that this is right and nothing else...I can't stand it. It makes it hard for me to want to be Jewish...not saying i'm not going to be, but so many things about it just aren't working for me. What does work, though, really works. the community is the main thing. I love being part of a community of people, connected to communities all over the world, who have a history that goes back thousands of years. I love studying Jewish culture and philosophy and ethics and history. it's all so rich and interesting and i love it. but i just don't love halakha (law), i don't particularly care for the Oral Torah (a bunch of sages' opinions on what every line of the Torah really means), I feel like a lot (most, actually) of it is taking an inch and turning it into a mile. *sigh* I could rant about this all day. But back to my point.

My point is, I've done a lot of soul-searching in the past four months or so. I'm still inconclusive as to where I want to go with these feelings, but I know that i never want to lose the connectivity i've felt here. I always will celebrate the major holidays, and try to make shabbos a little different than normal days. I will follow the rules of Pesach. I will go to Shul on occasion. I will send my children to Hebrew School and to Israel. But if they decide it's not for them, I won't push it. They will always have choice.

Israel has changed me. I'm still me, but like i said, i'm jaded now in ways I wasn't before.
I've had times i will never ever forget, and times that I wish i COULD forget.
I've experienced love and hate.
I've met so many people that have had an impact on me.
I know so much more than i could have imagined i'd ever know.
I can navigate Jerusalem. by myself. know what bus to take where, and how often it comes.
I can handle myself with pushy vendors. brush 'em off, humor them, and keep my wallet.


I can't wait to go home.

-catch up on my Hebrew hw
-write a paper for my Jesus class, topic still to be fully decided upon...due before i leave (STARTED!)
-go to the Zoo (today!) (not gonna happen :-()
-go to see the Chagall windows (also not gonna happen...they'll still be here next time i guess)
-buy presents
-write JESNA paper, due June 9
-go to haifa (this weekend) (can't justify it with all this work, among other reasons)
-sign up for MTELs
-try to see Mara and Evy (guess they really dont want to see ME, since they never ever respond to ANYTHING)
-try to enjoy the little time I have left with my friends here without fretting about getting HOME already
-get around to posting lots of pictures
-not die of heat
-Jesna response
-hebrew quiz, oral, final
-stay awake
-not fail
-figure out how to pack my life here into two and a half suitcases.

There's not much to report, right now. I'm almost done. Tomorrow at 8:30am I have my Hebrew final. I'm scared, very scared, but i'm hoping my brain can pull it off. Monday, I have my art final at 8:30 and my archaology final at 12:30. Emily leaves around 12. It's going to be a tough day.

This past week...finished classes. Went to a pool party and said goodbye to the madrichim (counselors). Was lazy. Finished my Jesus paper, which i do believe is pretty darned good. Studied. Yeah. not much else.

I'm going to be working on a wrap-up post. I started it in my head last night. You'll see.

Holy crap on a stick

it's been a long time since i've really posted! i'm sorry! really!
First, an updated to-do list:
-blog about the past week +
-catch up on my Hebrew hw
-write a paper for my Jesus class, topic still to be fully decided upon...due before i leave (STARTED!)
-go to the Zoo (today!)
-go to see the Chagall windows
-buy presents
-write JESNA paper, due June 9
-go to haifa (this weekend) (can't justify it with all this work, among other reasons)
-sign up for MTELs
-try to see Mara and Evy
-try to enjoy the little time I have left with my friends here without fretting about getting HOME already
-get around to posting lots of pictures
-do my DITL from Sunday
-not die of heat
-Jesna response
-hebrew quiz, oral, final
-stay awake

i'm making progress, really.
Kay, so. You haven't really heard from me since before Itay's hair cut! Wow. That was a lot of fun, got to meet a lot of the family I hadn't before (Anat and family, and Michael, and Ossie's sisters). Emily was a little overwhelmed i think. the ceremony was really cute, Itay was very good, and the food was really nice. Good times.
Next big event...Eilat! Last weekend, I went to Eilat with Sarah and Adrienne, and we met up with Leah and Margot and other-Sarah there. It was a loonnnnngggg bus ride but get this, the girl i sat next to on the way down was also named Shaina! it was funny. We stayed at a pretty nice hostel, only about 66 shek a night (200 for the room split btw three). The most memorable thing from Eilat was the HEAT. it was between 93 and 100 degrees the entire time we were there--even at 2:30am, i was sweating in my tank and short skirt. I went in the water the first day there, it was great. cold and SO clear. i also managed not to get burned! yay! anyways, we walked around a lot, ate a lot, drank not a lot, met some of adrienne's friends, got henna tattoos and ice cream and good stuff like that. eventually, someday, all of my pictures will be on the internet. i swear. by the end of june. that's a promise.
Lets see. then on monday, we had a huge 4-hour tour for my archaology class, partly in the old city for the Ecce Homo arch and some old collection pools, and the rest on the mount of olives. lots of churches. I couldnt go into a bunch of them because my shoulders and knees were uncovered, which was a pain, especially since it was 95 degrees out. oh man was i wiped. got home from that, showered, and then headed to a panel for my JESNA class, with three interesting Jewish educators. Left a little early from that with leah because it was her birthday! her grandparents gave her money to take her friends out to dinner. I still ended up having to pay some cuz we went over, but it was really fun so it was worth it.
the rest of this past week...not very eventful. drama. girl-drama. i'm so tired of girl-drama.
speaking of drama, me and em finally are almost caught up with grey's, thanks to watching four episodes on thursday night, three yesterday, and two today. three more to go! yay.
I was supposed to go to haifa this weekend, but because of said drama as well as financial reasons, it didn't happen. it's okay. because last night i got to have dinner with my friends. yesterday morning i went to the shuk all by myself to get fruit, because my "assignment" for dinner was fruit salad. I got peaches, nectarines, bananas, strawberries, apples, and oranges. Then i wanted a treat, so i headed to Marzipan, and on the way bumped into my friend Adam, the one who went to Hebron with me and Adrienne. He was visiting his friend Alyssa who lives close to jerusalem. got myself a little over half a kilo of rugelach, and promptly ate a few and even gave some to two american girls who were passing by and said "those look so good!". i'm nice like that. headed home, showered and watched some ANTM with Em, then headed up to Margot's for more grey's...around 7 we started prepping for dinner. I made my fruit salad on plates for lack of a bowl; i had this grand idea of how they would look in my head but they turned out kind of different. also, the peaches and nectarines werent so ripe, which made me sad, but people still ate all of the cut ones. the plates were a hit, and i still have lots of fruit left over which is good.
dinner was at Sarah N's place, because her boyfriend was in for the weekend (he's in the Israeli army) and she wanted to impress him. It was them, me em margs and leah, our friend Uriel, Sarah's roommate Keren from Australia, and this kid Jared who i can't stand but everyone kind of feels sorry for. He has Asbergers, is very socially awkward though brilliant, and while i should be okay with that because of my cousin Ben and because i want to be a teacher, something about Jared in particular just rubs me the wrooooong way. ugh. but anyways, it was a really nice dinner, lots of good conversation.
Today has been a lazy day of getting work done and watching more grey's with em before she left for her cousins' for the night.

I'm not sure if the zoo/chagall windows is gonna happen, unless i go by myself. and do i really want to go by myself to the zoo? while it might be cool, i'd rather go with someone. ah well; same as with haifa, they'll still be here the next time i come back, G-d willing. I'd rather finish my work and hang out with my friends than be going all over the place like a crazywoman these last 11 days or so. It's getting so close...while i am so so so incredibly ready to be home, i'm starting to think about the things i will miss--my friends, the shuk, israeli chocolate, public transportation, Hebrew.
It's going to be a tough next two weeks, i can tell you that.

Updated list

-blog about the past week +
-catch up on my Hebrew hw
-write a paper for my Jesus class, topic still to be fully decided upon...due before i leave
-go to the Zoo (today!)
-go to see the Chagall windows
-buy presents
-write JESNA paper, due June 9
-go to haifa (this weekend) (can't justify it with all this work, among other reasons)
-sign up for MTELs
-try to see Mara and Evy
-try to enjoy the little time I have left with my friends here without fretting about getting HOME already
-get around to posting lots of pictures
-do my DITL from Sunday
-not die of heat
-Jesna response
-hebrew quiz, oral, final
-stay awake


...Yeah. One of these days.

My to-do list

-blog about the past week +

-catch up on my Hebrew hw 

-write a paper for my Jesus class, topic still to be fully decided upon...due before i leave

-go to the Zoo (today!)

-go to see the Chagall windows (today?)

-buy presents

-write JESNA paper, due June 9

-go to haifa (this weekend)

-sign up for MTELs

-try to see Mara and Evy

-try to enjoy the little time I have left with my friends here without fretting about getting HOME already

-get around to posting lots of pictures

-do my DITL from Sunday

-not die of heat

...Yeah. One of these days.

A LOT

I need to write, A LOT. I have A LOT of things on my to-do list. although, i have A LITTLE will to do any of it. Most of us here are feeling the same--we're just DONE with school...except for the fact that we're not. Papers and presentations and homework abound, while willpower is nowhere to be found. Le sigh. 

Last week, GO!

Sunday...normal day from what i can remember. 

Monday...field trip to the "lower aqueduct". We walked through a mountain, actually really close to where my cousins live in Talpiot. it was pretty cool. Refer back to my friend Ira's blog (he's the one i linked to for the JESNA field trip) for the history and stuff...he takes notes. I don't. lol. 

Tuesday...Went to the Old City to order my Hadaya bracelet! I picked it up today...It says, "Lech Acharei Ha-Lev, Gam Im Zeh Koev", which means, "Follow (lit: go after) the heart , even if it hurts". It has extremely personal meaning for me, in regards mainly to the relationships I have had and especially the one I am in right now. It reflects a lot of what I feel about my trip here. On the inside it says "Jerusalem 2009"...Now i'll have something from this place with me always. I love it. When i got back, I studied because...

Wednesday. Two quizzes. Hebrew first, which I know I did well on, because when I went to gather my stuff at the end she was looking at it and as i left she told me "tov me'od", very good. Archaology next, which i think i may have passed. we shall see. dunno how she expects us to know anything, since we hadn't had class since march--just field trips. *sigh* 

Thursday...ALL DAY FIELD TRIP. Got up at 5am. Got to the meeting place on time, only to find that they'd sent us a too-small bus, and we had to wait half an hour for a bigger one. then it was off we went...we went to six historical sites, two churches, four temples. Looked mainly at mosaic floors, although some carvings as well. It was a LONG day, and very reminiscent of Birthright--stop in one place for a talk, then back on the bus and half an hour to another...dozing on each bus ride, groggily pretending to listen to our guide explain things in her heavy Chicago accent (listening to her speak hebrew was a real treat, i tell ya). Lots of pictures...someday i'll be caught up with all my pictures online. probably when i get home. sorry. 

Friday...Headed to Ben Yehuda with some of my friends. Splurged on hot chocolate with sabra at this famous chocolate shop. went to the shuk and got socks :-) Then headed home, and packed up...and then i was off to Tel Aviv! I got there around 4, i think...rode a TA bus to adrienne, went to her apt, dropped my stuff and changed into my bathing suit top and packed a bag for the beach...went to the beach and sat in the waning sunlight and watched the waves, got some food (i had my first falafel of this trip...shameful, i know, but oh well. it was yummy!), read books, chatted. i love my adrienne. then we went back to her place...and my friend uriel texted me! he was in TA also, and the people he was staying with were all off on a trip with their program for the night. We met up with him at what he would say is a normal dinner time, 9:30pm. He's Argentinian. It explains a lot :-P. We got a cab to Yaffo, the old city that is right next to TA. Wandered around in search of food. Got the worst shwarma i've ever had. :-( bought my bro and Meryl a house-warming gift from a nice street vendor. Walked a hell of a long way to this gay bar adrienne swears by. it was AWESOME. and we had cake. not as good as Goldy's, in Jlem, although Adrienne said it was. still good! Um. Walked Uriel home. Went home ourselves, and adrienne conked out while i was talking to kimo online. Went to bed. 
I woke up probably around 11, read in bed (her bed is HEAVENLY) until A decided to rouse herself...had some special K for "breakfast", then headed out to meet Uriel again, this time with a friend of his, Sharon. Walked all the way down the beach to them...it was reeeeally crowded but gorgeous. lots of babies. um. yea. got a croissant at a famous bakery, then we headed off into the city. stopped at these two houses that were having open houses, why i'm not really sure, but whatever. then Sharon headed off, and me and A showed Uriel Rabin Square, which he'd wanted to see. then we went back to "his" apartment, hung out there for a while, then headed to dinner, which again was disappointing. Grar. Eventually headed back to adrienne's, then i got on another bus to their central bus station, and made it by the skin of my teeth onto a bus to Jlem. at our CBS i got a taxi with some random other people who were also going to Mt Scopus; it was 11:30, cold, and i was exhausted, and if you share a taxi it's really worth it--only 10 shek each. and one of the guys i shared with was italian. he seemed really cool.  Got home and crashed after calling Adrienne to let her know i was back and Kimo to say goodnight. didn't even turn on my computer!

Today, had class and internship, then walked the 20ish minutes from the YMCA to the place to pick up my bracelet. when i finally got back to my normal bus stop, apparently my bus must have just come because i had to wait half an hour in the cold wind before the 30 showed up. i was pissed. roar. got back to reznik, went straight to the store for food, back to the room, computered, showered (FINALLY), talked to my mommy (happy mother's day!), and yeah. that's all pretty much. did a lot of hebrew hw tonight, though i think i may have to do a lot more this week--i think i have my oral presentation either tues or weds :-( i'm going to talk about the kibbutz where i went for that shabbaton weekend in march. tis all i can think of. 

Tomorrow should be a normal day, then tuesday my little cousin (really a second cousin once removed i think...something like that--his grandma and my mom are first cousins) is getting his hair cut for the first time. in the orthodox tradition, boys don't get their hair cut until they are three, and there's a little ceremony for it. it should be fun. i cant wait to see the kids again, and to finally introduce emily to my family!

that's all, folks. 

Yesterday

Yesterday was a very emotional day. It started early with a JESNA class field trip to Mt. Herzl, which had an amazingly striking twist near the end. I was going to write the whole thing out, but my friend Ira was taking notes and wrote an amazing post on the trip, so I've decided to just link you to his post instead. You can find it HERE (his other posts are also really interesting; he's a pretty good writer and a really nice guy.) It was a really neat field trip, despite the sadness and the fact that it was super-early and I had a headache. The professor, David Mendelssohn, was really great, really interesting. I really enjoyed it. 

After that, I pretty much just lounged around the whole day...Watched House with Sarah, had some emotionally-charged bonding time with my bf, and yeah. That's about it. As I was getting ready to go to bed, I called my brother, too...Haven't talked to him in a while, and now he's moving into his new place with his gf and I just wanted to check in. It was nice.

Today, got up late, made pancakes, etc...Again, just taking a nice lazy day for myself. Had tentative plans to go watch a movie with Leah, but I've had a headache again, and i'm just so lethargic...I need a crash day once in a while!